Summer update

It is a while since I added anything to this blog. I have been busy learning new job which I am pleased to say I enjoy. I also had accident in January which has caused problems in my shoulder. Kieran has just completed his course and has enough points to go to uni.

Christmas 2008

After weeks of insecurity at JHP (again!) I am now set to start a new role in the New Year as a trainee assessor. The Gloucester office is now only e2e with the wbl side all moved out. It felt strange being there on last day especially as I had no work to do for half of it. I will be glad to start new position as my mind has now moved on.

As I didn't know what would happen I did not feel very Christmasy and started my preparations late this year.

One thing we did do was visit the Enchanted Wood.






With the recession hitting most people I think shops were taken unaware by sudden demand for extra food supplies. Shopping, as normal early on Christmas Eve, shelves were already low but I managed to get everything but fresh cranberries.

Ros and Paul came round Christmas Eve with Tim, who was unwell. I was pleased to see them but they had to leave early as Tim was virtually falling asleep I hope he's well enough to enjoy Christmas.

Kieran was still up early on Christmas day but it was hard to arouse Declan. We had normal present opening. Both boys queried lack of stocking and I promised to reinstate next year.


Both boys helped me prepare Christmas dinner and it was a really enjoyable experience. I was relaxed and enjoyed the day.

Bitten and bruised

Last weekend I had to go to A&E as insect bite on ankle had caused swelling which antihistamine tablets were failing to have any effect on. Ended up on strong antibiotics and missing 2 days of work. Spent 22nd wedding anniversary feeling sorry for myself whilst husband swore at PC, I am officially a WOW-widow.
Yesterday was Kieran's 18th, he is on threshold of life but unaware of it. I was going to buy him some jewellery but skull and crossbones pendant he choose wasn't my idea of a coming-of-age gift.
Jobwise nothing interesting is happening and I am still frustrated as applications fail to produce results. I keep asking myself what I really want but reply is that it's not working in area I am currently employed in! What I really need is holiday away from here, with boys of course.

Confidence Issues

Failed to get pass telephone interview in pursuit of job at GCHQ, initially I was gutted. Self-analysis has revealed that fault is mine. I am too anxious about failure and tending to over sell myself whilst being insecure of my own ability. I need to step away from the situation and regain my own aura. I have been so intimidated in past two years that I have allowed circustances to erode my sence of worth.
I have decided to continue to seek new employment but I need to drop the desperate factor. I will also reapply for GCHQ at a later date. I know the hoops I need to jump through and I need to relax more. I must not keep worrying that I'm running out of time, I must not panic about the future, I need to concentrate and enjoy the present. Being with my family, doing what I can for them, I am lucky. I have friends that care and family that love me, I need to stop judging myself so harshly.

Spring Snow

The Snow Queen swept into town at 4.45am, I know it was this time because I was unable to sleep and heard her clattering on our windows. The storm turned the street white. By 5.30am the birds were singing but there was little light. This norning has been sunny so most of snow has gone. I took walk around racecourse to view.

Closure and job loss followed by stress

Well JHP, for whatever reason, has decided to close the Cheltenham office. Originally date was end of June but this was quickly reduced to end of April, tutors are to transfer Gloucester but there was no job for me. I felt relieved in that decision had been taken for me, so I started looking for jobs. Then Kieran gave in his notice and I was offered F/T receptionist job. To be honest I wanted to turn down but a job in the hand ... I tried to play fair and explained about interviews and promised decision the following Friday. On Monday I was told decision had to be given Wednesday. Already nervous about interviews I now had this rattling around in brain. I am not good at interviews especially if not relaxed, I forget object is to find out about each other and become defensive. I also try too hard. Anyway, I didn't get jobs. On Wednesday I accepted JHP and I have been hating myself since. I especially hate Chris as I feel that he could have offered to support me for a few months, but as I'm still paying off debt from last period out of work that was highly unlikely. Sometimes I wish we had kept that Relate appointment as problems in our marriage tend to be annoyed rather than dealt with. I wish there was a member of his family that could help.
Stress has included headaches, nausea, indigestion, cramps and tiredness. Yesterday, girl in chemist advised me that taking Syndol for more than 3 days could cause headaches and I should go to doctors to get something more suitable to deal with symtoms.
Beacon of hope is that I've applied to GCHQ, I feel they would be a fair employer and more secure, if I have to work full-time I'd rather do a more interesting job than aanswering the telephone.

Tewkesbury in February

Today was sunny and spring-like. I couldn't bear to sit indoors on such an afternoon and took family for walk in Tewkesbury.

It was a lovely afternoon.